The Valley

No one search for me, for though I am lost I have no desire to be found again.

I long for the blaring sounds of cicadas over the overbearing silence in the dryness of the valley,

The rolling meadow with cascading blankets of green grass and yellow dandelions a map freckled in gold.

Wrapped in this dry and sweet-smelling blanket, my dreams of ebbing pain will never grow old,

They’ll only echo through satin blue dawn as loudly as the other sounds that never reach the air.

No one looks for me, no one knows I’m gone. Am I hiding, or have I been forgotten?

I don’t know; I don’t care.

There is nowhere else I’d rather go than this place so deep in my memories.

I can still hear the trickling of a stream over worn pebbles, I can still smell smoke so distantly.

As I tuck myself away in my warm reverie, I wait so patiently for the gold to turn to ivory.

The dandelions are so binary – white or yellow, I never witness them as both, though I delight at the tiny clouds.

Only in the brightest of the sun rays as the most ambitious seeds hop up and float away,

I hold my breath for the right one to wish upon beneath the blaring sun.

In burning heat and beading sweat, still so patient, I hold my breath.

This dream won’t last forever, but this memory will never fade as I remember my feet wade through the valley,

Time and time again, I’ll never forget about this place that I’m not sure I’ve ever been.

The way it holds me softly when the tears won’t leave my eyes, the way it holds me softly when I idly fantasize

Of somewhere that no one will ever find me, were they to even remember my face

And since no one looks for me, I can pretend that I don’t exist as I hold my flower and close my eyes to make my wish.

The sun hot on my face and glowing through my shut eyelids, I’ll make my wish.

And thus I release my breath, but it’s been so long since I inhaled… it’s been so long that I’ve been gone so far away –

I’ve forgotten what I hoped to wish!

So I watch the seeds drift off in a scattered cloud, into the pale forever blue in a quickly dispersing shroud

Next dream, they’ll bloom again and I can return once more to the valley in which I will never be found.

I haven’t learned my lesson

A rush of blood through the veins

A bolt of lightning to make the heart beat again

Hot tears simmering against eyelids

Cold drops of sweat on feverish skin…

Oh, what I would give to feel again.

I gave heartache the longest break,

A thin layer of frost coated my skin

And I placed chains on all the bits of me within

That ever longed for love.

I clipped the wings of that captured dove

Soundproofed the glass to stifle her song

I doubted I’d miss it after so long,

But now I can’t even recall the sound.

Now, I don’t miss your mischief or your mistresses

I long for steady heart-beats and only tears that accompany a smile

Hope has yet to seem worth-while,

When I remember cold and lonesome December

When ice and snow trapped me with no place to go

Your arms twice as cold, the novelty of me so old

In your fickle heart.

I do dream to the sound of my favorite song,

Of breathing normally after so long –

Inhale, exhale and carry on

With no drugs or no alcohol, just faith in love.

A rush of blood all through my face

Electric pulses resuscitate

Heat of the sun when it’s finally May

Cold chills of excitement; heart, don’t hesitate.

Oh, what I would give to love again.

 

Rainbow Rouse

Red lipstick makes you think I want you

I wear all black simply to daunt you

With pink flowers to awaken your gaze

And let you imagine my innocent days

Brown eyes to watch you wake

Under heavy lashes, to filter your face

Blue days in a cloudy haze

With white cotton clouds to give us shade

Yellow sun and silver moon

Mixed with the orange and violet late noon

Green grass after the storm

Reminds me that I have no need to mourn

Grey everything; a forecast forlorn

I can’t see your silhouette anymore

Just light and dark shadows in monochrome

And the glistening road where I seek my way home

All of the colors that I know

Couldn’t form a scene where I hold you close

In the damp air, a sunlit rainbow

Promised me the floodgates will close –

I’m still waiting.

 

 

 

 

Douse Me.

He once said to me:

“You’re like a fire – hard to hold close due to the heat of your flames

The ones you love end up scorched, and thus you flee in shame

But it’s evident that you were here, long after you are gone

The tell-tale trail of smoke lingers and the ashes are trailed along.”

I don’t intend to tend my embers, they spark themselves once I’m awake

They slowly kindle throughout the day and surround me in a steaming haze

I can’t see through the wispy curtain, I can’t comprehend the errs of my ways

All I see is red, vivid and growling through the darkest of days

I mourn for those I hurt – I swear!  I hope they do recover

But I beg for mercy under the heat, the sweat that drenches my covers

Every morning the yellow sun peaks over the lake my eyes are red with hate

I don’t want to live another day engulfed in these perpetual flames

Scorched and charred I crumble, ashes tossed into the air

Shrunken and crippled, there’s less of me and so much more of the terrible flare

Nothing will remain when I exhaust, nothing but the smoke and the haze

While I’m still here, I pray someone douse me

Much like my lost lovers, I despise the pain.

Oh Star, Die Tonight

Upon a glowing satellite I make a morbid wish tonight

With teary eyes, I hope to make a pagan sacrifice on her life

I’ve never seen a star fall, but I confuse the flashing lights of jets

In the midst of their midnight flights, but I’m disappointed by yellow lights

Hear me, clearly, white plasma being in your angelic glow

Fall down from your reign and ease my pain

Use your thousands of years to alleviate my fears

And take your brilliant heat to melt things frozen in my memories

Not unlike you, I want to be born anew

I can’t fight the hurt and lies that have passed before my eyes

I can’t wear away the scars that speckle my skin like black stars

But you… lucky you, you still shine true through the darkest dusk

You have no surface to be succumbed to rust, to negligence or dust

Though in time your flames will explode and you’ll be mine

You’ll fall so rapidly, your tail will spread for miles against the sky

And I’ll be there, I swear, to make my wishes come true

But tonight you live, and I have no use for you

 

Yet I fear the day you pass away, and I’m not there to pray

And ever worse, I fear you’ll pass away

And all of my hopes will dissipate along with your silver flame

Moss on the Glass

An old dreary home, a homely abode

I sit in the rocking chair and glare at the clouds

I await the shower that will come cascading down

And rinse all the dust from the glass – at last

The thunder rumbles and rattles my heart

It bounces against these feeble ribs, as fragile as it is

Can it not break under the ivory cage? I almost wish it did

As it keeps throbbing in lament, it keeps on reaching for my grave

And I retreat beyond the door, the warped wood and oak grain

I watch behind the window pane, so solitary in my pain

The lightening dashes across the grey

And I see sparks in stolid dullness

Peaking through the crawling moss

As it conceals my window panes.

I call them hopeful and yet foolish, those wretched vines

I call them weeds and I call them lies

They seep into my tough stronghold

They seep their roots between my fingers’ hold

I want to watch the world go down in flames

And then be doused by rain

But the moss, it covers my window pane

I don’t want to hope, but it eases my pain.

Romance is…?

Bold and blurry dotted lines and fluttering butterfly hearts. My fingers reach for yours in the dark, though my other hand clings to sleep for the fear of waking from this dream.

Do you dream of me?

A dozen roses only live for half a dozen days. Love fades away, but will you stay? Long after the last withered petal has hit the ground and only thorns remain, will you stay?

I blush at your gaze and I blame the heat on a cold and rainy day. I hold you far away and toss the red string that never unravels; it just won’t break.

I’m afraid of you, I hate to say. I hate the way I feel so fragile when you seem so brave. Love has never seemed to play kindly with my heart, and if there are any more fragments of it left to break I would much rather toss them all away.

And still I ponder on what romance is. I covet it, a thing I’m not quite sure exists. A thing I’m not able to miss as I’ve not had it. And still I obsess over the chances of a nervous first kiss, of innocent lips with no lies and no lust. Of friendship, of trust.

Do you wonder too? Or has age made you bitter like me, and you’d rather only be with me for one night? I’d hate to wake in another stranger’s bed, full of dread with all of my dreams wilted and dead – Like a dozen roses, six days in.